For years, I’ve been training myself out of interrupting.
You know, the moment in the conversation where your thoughts are flying and you get so excited you just start talking, whether or not the other person has finished?
If you don’t do this yourself, you probably know someone who does.
To avoid talking over other people, I practice calm attention when listening and taking a breath before I speak. Once someone has spoken, I’ll even let them pause and keep speaking. A more nuanced answer often emerges.
So it came as a huge surprise when we were told in coaching training, “You can interrupt the client. Not only can you, but you should.”
It surprised me because I thought interrupting was inherently impolite.
But, thinking about it, I interrupted fairly often as a project manager at team meetings. At the time, I thought of it as an intervention. I’d insert my voice when a discussion was seriously off track or going in circles.
It felt weird, but I did it, and the participants were usually grateful – sometimes even the person being interrupted.
So perhaps there are good reasons to step in when someone else is talking.
One is to get your own point heard.
You’re in a meeting and the comments are flying fast. You’re waiting for a pause. And waiting… And waiting… Then the moment passes.
Most of the time, you just move on. But that could mean missing contributions from people – including yourself! – who hang back even when they have something to add.
I noticed this at my post-hike coffee this week. Five people, lively conversation, everyone jumping in. When do you speak? When do you wait?
Or maybe you’re trying to redirect the conversation because it’s stuck.
We’re taught to wait our turn. To let people finish. To avoid talking over others. Most of the time, those are good practices.
But there are also times when waiting politely means allowing a discussion to keep circling, letting an important point disappear, or missing the chance to intervene when the conversation needs help.
What would it be like to give yourself permission to interrupt?
And how do you interrupt skillfully?
I’ve noticed that when it goes well, I’ve done three things.
First, I make it clear that I’m entering the conversation: “Can I pause you for a second?” or “If I could add one thing here…”
Then I connect to what’s already happening. I might say, “You’ve covered the pros and cons really well,” or, “I think we’ve surfaced the main concerns.”
And then I say what I think needs to happen next. Maybe that’s making my point. Maybe it’s asking a question. Maybe it’s suggesting that we move on.
The exact words matter less than the intention behind them. I’m showing that I’ve been listening, and then taking some responsibility for what happens next.
I’m starting to think of it less as “interrupting” and more as another facet of communicating in the moment: noticing what the interaction needs and helping the conversation move productively.
Next month, I’m doing a leadership communication workshop with an intact team, and we’re going to practice interrupting – live.
If this is something you’d like to practice too, let me know.
