This holiday season, I saw my family from a new point of view.
It started because December was really overwhelming for me. I didn’t factor in time for the extra activities along with a busy last week of work. (Next year will be different!)
So when my whole family and a +1 were in the house, it would have been easy to retreat to my stress self.
But I noticed something unexpected.
Instead of drowning in my own story, I put myself into the shoes of the people around me.
The college student worried about being bored on the long winter break. The future daughter-in-law, wondering how to fit into the existing family dynamic. And in myself, I saw my own mother managing (and feeding!) the full house and feeling responsible for everyone’s well being.
It was weirdly like watching a video game with a text box overlaid on the screen, describing each player.
At first, I didn’t do anything differently with the additional information. But, over time, having these alternatives perspectives helped me be a little softer and kinder to everyone, including myself.
At work, too, it’s so easy to get caught up in the details and your own role and deliverables and not pay attention to the people.
This is particularly true for those of us who are technically focused and never taught to collect and make sense of the “subjective” people data – or that it’s even important.
But it’s only a question of where you focus your attention.
Try this: Next time you’re in a group like a meeting, observe the other participants.
- What is the general mood?
- How people responding when someone speaks, verbally and non verbally?
- Pick one person – What words do they use frequently? Are some of them emotional or subjective? What concepts (“strategy,” “team,” etc) do they repeat?
- If you were going to guess what’s most important to them, what would it be?
(One of my leadership coaching clients saw the value in the exercise but thought it sounded difficult. I suggested they focus on one “variable” at a time, like facial expressions or speech volume)
You might be asking, what do I DO with this information, if I collect it?
Maybe nothing right away.
But if you can master not only the technical details but the human information that is overlaid on every interaction, you will be able to choose your communication and actions to better resonate with your colleagues, increasing your leadership impact.
