My sister in law is a great negotiator.
She’s just the person you want to bring along to buy a car, and my grown-up daughter did just that when she bought her first one. Boy, did they get a deal.
Paula may be exceptionally skilled at getting a fair price, but many of my colleagues and clients are also great at advocating for their teams, projects, or family members.
But not so great – by their own admission – at advocating for themselves.
A lot of us seemed to have missed, metaphorically, that day in school where they taught us about self promotion. Or, we were too busy finishing our assignments to pay attention!
Or perhaps we heard the lesson, but remained uncomfortable with the idea of self-promoting. “It’s just not me.”
I realize this reluctance can run deep. Cultural expectations, negative past experiences, or experiencing the world as an introvert can signal that it’s not OK or not safe to speak up for yourself. And it doesn’t help that there’s ALWAYS someone who gets ahead based on their ability to self-promote and not their skills and contributions.
And why does it even matter whether you advocate for yourself? I’m sure that you do good work, and work for the greater good. Why can’t your accomplishments speak for themselves?
But more and more I believe that what we call self promotion – sharing what you’ve done and asking for what you deserve – is really part of leadership.
When you are able to share your accomplishments and ideas, others can appreciate and learn from them. And the impact isn’t just from your work product, but from your knowledge, skills, ideas, the impact you have on others and your ability to learn and grow.
But when we hesitate to use “I” statements, to claim our wins, or to ask for what we need, there’s a gap between how we’re showing up and how we could be, as a leader.
If you are interested in bridging this gap and increasing your comfort with self-promotion, here’s a practice to start with.
Celebrating your own accomplishments:
- Step 1: Every day, either in writing or out loud in private, answer one of these questions.
I am proud that I….
I appreciate myself for…
This week I was able to….
- Step 2: Once these declarations become more comfortable, share one of them daily with a family member or trusted colleague. How does the way it feels to do change over time?
- Step 3: Use your “I” statements with your manager or someone else who has power and influence in your world. “I wanted you to know that I …[accomplishment].”
Try this first practice and let me know what you find. I have more of them. And if you’ve been able to shift your mindset and reclaim your “I,” please write and tell me about it. We’re stronger when we share.
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