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How to Give a Great Answer Even When You’re Nervous

In my last newsletter, I made the case the selling is part of all of our jobs, and asked you in a survey if you believed it.  Thanks to those who completed it – all who replied said the connection between “selling” and their work was clear now. One reader noted,

“I see ‘selling’ ideas as a form of setting expectations and conveying vision.”

I buy it. 🙂

As we embrace the mindset that communicating is offering something of value to your audience and helping them understand it and make a choice, what gets in the way of expressing ourselves clearly?

Sometimes, our own nervous system.

Most of us have had the experience of stumbling over a response to a tricky question or getting stressed and derailed by an interruption. These unexpected events can cause more anxiety than the presentation itself.

Having strategies to manage yourself during these communication “perturbations” can increase your comfort and confidence and thus your likelihood of getting your message across.

First of all, what happens when you are thrown off base by a question?

Your body, which can’t distinguish between a conference room and a lethal threat, responds the same way it would seeing a rattlesnake on the trail in Yosemite  – by freezing.  Your mind goes blank and then – at least for me – fills with so much information I can’t make sense of what’s even relevant.  

Here’s what to do in that moment you don’t know how to respond, based on my own experience and what’s worked for my coaching clients:

  1. Breathe. Oxygen is a wonderful drug, free and easily available. One breath in, one out, which has the effect of a …
  2. Pause. You can collect yourself before you start speaking. I may have read that pausing makes you appear more thoughtful, even if inside it feels the opposite.
  3. Collect your thoughts. Here are two excellent strategies to try.

First strategy: if you’re asked a question and know the answer but fear your stressed-out brain may babble, use this framework from communication expert Matt Abrahams to give just the necessary amount of information:

What?

So What?

Now What?

For example, “The positive control did not work [What]. Because of this, the other results are unintelligible [So What], and we are planning to repeat the experiment next week [Now What].”

I recommend practicing this framework out loud before a important meeting. You can make a list of likely questions, write out the answers, and practice saying them in a mirror.  It’s also incredibly useful anytime you want to speak clearly and succinctly.  

Second strategy:  This approach, which I learned in a communication workshop years ago, is helpful if you are stressed and stumped by a question or comment.  It works like this:

If the question is, “Why is X happening?” Say: “There are two reasons X is happening. First…”

Try it with any topic as “X.” You will find that you actually have something to say. It turns out your brain is very good at filling in information once it gets this cue.  You’ll now have the phase, “There are two reasons…” ready for the moments you don’t know what to say.

Don’t wait for the critical presentation to try these approaches.  You can work on communication every day. And what my clients find is that over time, you amass little victories which – especially if you take the time to notice them – have a big impact on your comfort and confidence.

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