The answer to “How are you?” depends entirely on when you ask.
Last week, I would’ve answered, “Great! I’m moving to Colorado” with gusto.
This week, it’s “Uh oh, we’re here,” with a deep sense of dread.
The rental house is full of boxes. The laundry machine broke and we spent an hour draining water into plastic cups (before finding a pot in those aforementioned unpacked boxes). Mostly, I’m feeling unmoored without the stabilizing influence of familiar activities.
I’m in the “messy middle” of a move.
And instead of the usual enthusiasm, I found myself thinking, after several false starts writing, what could I possibly say this week that would be meaningful to my readers?
Then, I realized two things.
First, if I chose not to write this week, I’d be diminishing myself and what I have to offer. It’s precisely through our experiences – positive or negative – that we gain the experience and grist to help others.
Second, I’ve gotten so much help the last few weeks that it’s only fair to pay it forward.
Initially, I was sure I didn’t need help packing. My friends offered, but I thought I could do it all myself. Finally, in some desperation, I said yes. It was great! One person could come into the house and, with a fresh eye and a burst of energy, do more in one hour than I could in four hours alone.
My takeaway: We often overestimate how much trouble it will be for others when we’re deciding whether to ask for help. Try putting aside your judgements, ask, and trust the other person to say no if it’s not a fit.
And, if you are offered help, seriously consider saying yes to it. Asking for and getting help is an underappreciated leadership superpower.
Speaking of packing, the move was physically and emotionally taxing. There was so much to do, I’d often push myself past my comfort level believing that if I stopped, I’d never start up again.
I notice this same tendency in some of my leadership coaching clients: the fear that interrupting forward motion will lead to a complete standstill.
Instead, a short break dramatically increased my energy to continue. The so-called “loss” of those minutes of rest was more than compensated for by increased productivity afterwards.
My takeaway: When you feel you need a break (of any type) but are hesitating to take it, go ahead. Then, pay attention to what’s different when you pick up the work afterwards.
Finally, when I consider what’s been most important during this challenging period of change, it’s been to manage between seemingly competing priorities, such as:
- Moving quickly versus regaining energy.
- Solving immediate problems versus setting up for future success.
- Practicing patience versus being proactive.
To function in the messy middle, I had to find a workable balance between these priorities. Sometimes, I missed – exhausting myself, making rushed choices that cost time later, or getting frustrated and impatient. But overall it turned out OK. Perfection, as usual, not required.
And when you accept that you won’t always get the balance right, it becomes easier to stay calm and keep moving, even through the mess.
How about you? I bet you’re in the “messy middle”… of something? Or have been. What approaches have worked for you? Asking for a friend. 🙂
And, feel free to ask me next week how I’m doing. I’m sure the answer will be something entirely different.
