My family really likes watching sports, and I only sort of like watching sports. So I pass the time by getting curious about leadership.
For example, have you thought about how athletes find the focus and determination to perform at the highest level in critical moments? Watch the closeup of a gymnast’s face before they approach the vault. You can see in their eyes whether or not they’ll stick the landing. And, just as in an organization, you’ll notice certain players that elevate their entire team’s performance when they’re on the field.
But, like leaders, athletes have good and bad days.
A recent interview. with Draymond Green of the Golden State Warriors basketball team, illustrated this shift:
Green shared that after a disappointing playoff game, he checked in with his closest friends and advisors for feedback, recognizing that his own behavior was one reason they lost. From the frank feedback and his own self awareness, he acknowledged that he “pouted” during that losing game and was overall “embarrassed” by his antics.
He took the next game as a new opportunity to “show who I am” and play with “poise.” Spoiler: his team won. I have no doubt Green was equally passionate about winning both games – it was how he channeled that passion that made the difference.
Even the most dedicated and thoughtful leaders, like players, have habits that interfere with showing up as their best self. Here I’ve collected five common patterns that all stem from being passionate about what we do. Where do you see yourself?
1. Monologuing
Well-intentioned leaders sometimes monopolize the floor during meetings, all in the name of clarifying, explaining, or providing context. I wasn’t aware that I did this until I started using an AI meeting recorder which signals when I’ve been speaking continuously for 1.5 minutes It doesn’t sound like long, but it sure is when you’re the one listening!
Antidote: Pause
Even or especially, when the spotlight’s on you, stop and take a breath every few sentences. This gives your audience time to absorb what you’re saying. Plus, pausing actually adds gravitas to your speech.
2. Excessive empowering
I worked with a new leader who had definitive ideas about how she liked to interact with and receive information from her direct reports. Yet her instinct, wanting to be an empowering leader, was to ask her team to “figure it out.” Be careful when the people around you must resort to guesswork to arrive at an answer you’ve already decided on.
Antidote: Clear expectations
It’s okay—even beneficial—to have specific requirements for your team. This doesn’t mean you’re a dictator or micromanager. One practice is to notice when you’re asking a question when you could be making a request or establishing a standard. Phrases like “What’s important to me is…” or “My expectations are…” are especially useful.
3. Diving into details
Have you ever seen a senior leader use a strategic forum to seek information at a much more granular level? A classic example is asking how an assay was conducted during a Board meeting. As a manager, I had to be careful about satisfying my curiosity by delving into gritty details, at the risk of seeming like I was second-guessing my direct report.
Antidote: Asking questions with purpose
In 1×1’s or group meetings, questions and comments from the most senior people guide the discussion and inordinately influence the outcomes. Are you asking ones that bring the group to the desired results at the appropriate level of detail, or ones that will take everyone down a rabbit hole?
4. Breaking your own rules
Most leaders I know don’t intentionally overwork their teams. They’re reasonable with others regarding expectations and deadlines. So it’s a watchout if you accept unreasonable demands and regularly bend your own boundaries in ways you’d never impose on someone else.
Antidote: Treat yourself like an important person.
Next time you think, “Oh, I’ll just take care of it,” even if it’s personally costly, ask yourself if you’d expect a direct report or trusted colleague to make that same choice. If not, consider what other options you’d give them to achieve the desired outcome, and give yourself the same.
5. Overpromising
Actually, I only have 4 mindset shifts to talk about today, even though I planned for 5.
Whoops, here’s one more – overpromising. (See what I did there?)
I have a habit of committing to work on unrealistically tight timelines. Sometimes it’s an unforced error—the recipient doesn’t specify or even need the work so quickly, but I say, “I’ll get it done tomorrow.”
Antidote: Setting and managing expectations
Contrary to some project management advice about deadlines and deliverables, don’t rush to assign due dates to your work. Ask, “When do you need this by?” and then take the time you need (to consider, check with your team, or check your calendar) before you commit.
After writing this article, I realized not only have I exhibited all these behaviors myself at one time or another but they’re all behaviors I’ve coached leaders to overcome, thereby increasing their effectiveness and impact.
If you see yourself in any of these descriptions, and want to participate in a transformational exercise that will take you beyond your habits into your better self, please reach out (reply to this email) and let’s discuss coaching.
And, back to Draymond Green: after his best-self game, he said proudly, “I gave them something different to follow today.” A positive change we can all aspire to.
