I remember the first time I felt like a coach.
It was four years ago, at the beginning of my coaching training. Our in-class assignment was to find a metaphor for a classmate’s current life challenge.
My classmate described her situation, and as I listened, I felt the pace of it – rushed, hurried, one thing after another, while all the time she yearned to be more spacious and strategic.
What came to mind was being a server at a busy restaurant. The orders keep coming, and you just keep filling them, when you’d much rather be in the kitchen directing the work, like the chef.
I was nervous serving up (as it were) this metaphor. What if she didn’t like it and it didn’t land?
Then, something amazing happened when I described it.
Her eyes lit up. She said, “Yes! I can hear the bell chiming over and over…another order, another order.”
The thing is, I hadn’t even thought of that bell, the one that snaps the server to attention every time a dish is ready. It came out of her own imagination.
She had stepped fully into the picture I was painting, added her own texture, and in that way, made the metaphor deeply and personally meaningful.
As I reach the 3 year anniversary of my coaching certification, I realize it’s moments like these that make my coaching both work and be worthwhile: when clients discover insights that are truly their own.
Fundamentally, it matters less what I say as a coach – and far more what my clients hear, believe and create for themselves. That’s what allows them to step forward into new mindsets and behaviors.
And it’s only recently I understood the universal message:
What happens within the listener is the true outcome of communication.
Surprisingly (or perhaps unsurprisingly) so much of my leadership coaching comes back to this point. My coaching clients ask: how do I take my knowledge, data, proposals… and make an impact when I communicate?
Perhaps you’re asking this question too.
In my upcoming newsletters, I’ll share more about how leaders can shape communication around the listener – the foundation of a group coaching program I’m launching in January.
And, one practical takeaway for now:
Before your next meeting, ask yourself: What do I want the listener to think, feel, or do? And how is my message designed for that outcome?”
Finally, to my past and current coaching clients who are reading this: thank you. Thank you for sharing your frustrations and your aspirations with me. It has been a privilege to walk beside you as you shape your own narrative.
