I was going to learn more about leadership in one day than I had in a year.
But first, I had to get the horse to move.
I was on a farm in Sebastopol, California, taking part in an unusual leadership training experience. The horses were our teachers.
The first assignment was to walk towards a group of horses and get them to move out of the way without touching them (or them touching you, presumably).
How to do this? I was much smaller and words weren’t going to help, certainly not any corporate jargon.
It took three tries but then – almost as if by magic – the horses moved out of my way.
I still remember the feeling of forward momentum, like I’d projected myself ahead into the space the horses occupied. It was so odd to exert power and influence without saying a word.
But then, I realized, we do that all the time at work.
We may focus on speaking, but we’re also giving off lots of other information that the horse-like parts of our colleagues notice without even realizing it. Even on Zoom.
And I remembered times when I felt very confident and certain about a direction and that feeling seemed contagious, even if my word choice was imperfect.
The first lesson from that day: leading and influencing, even for humans, isn’t just about what you say. Rational arguments are important, but not sufficient.
That was interesting, but then the second horse encounter really blew my mind.
The task was to get the horse to walk alongside you.
To do this, you couldn’t just stand next to the horse and start walking. It first needed to circle around you and decide whether to join in.
I don’t recall how it happened but I still remember how it felt when the big brown being took an intentional loop and hovered at my left shoulder, staying right beside me for ten steps together.
The invitation I’d wordlessly sent had been accepted.
Back at the ranch (aka my team leader job), I was struggling to build a relationship with one of my team members. Despite my nominally higher status on the team, I felt disregarded by him.
After the horse lesson, I had an idea. Instead of using my positional power to move him (pushing), I focused on inviting him in. I asked more questions, shared more information, and stayed aware of his energy level and communication style.
The day arrived where he came up to me all excited and said, “Rachel, we’ve got some results!….”
I felt like he’d done his 360 degree walk-around and decided I was OK to partner with, just like the horse had.
The second lesson: gathering isn’t pushing, but it’s just as powerful.
Today, my leadership coaching clients learn about different types of power. We often discuss the energetic difference between “pushing” and “gathering.”
Sometimes my leaders are served by increasing their “push” energy to chart a new path, or to hold their ground when others encroach on their space.
And sometimes they need to gather – to strengthen relationships and influence regardless of their positional power. One client even used the metaphor of walking alongside their colleagues to inspire a change in behavior.
How can you apply these understandings to gather and to push (and to know which to do)?
Final lesson: be clear on your own intentions. That’s the non-verbal information you constantly share.
Before every meeting or interaction, ask yourself: what is my goal? For example:
- To deliver a message
- To move others to adopt a new position
- To get in sync with a team member or direct report
- To be open to whatever happens
Once you know your intention, notice what energy you’re bringing. Are you leaning forward, ready to create movement? Or are you creating space for someone to circle around and join you? Both have their place.
When you make the conscious choice of energy and intention, it’s so interesting to see how your colleagues’ horse-like senses pick up on it. Let me know what you discover.
P.S. There are quite a few horses near my new Colorado home, and writing this piece inspired me to explore leadership training with horses. Anyone have recent experience with such programs – or would be up for a leadership retreat in the foothills? 🙂
